I've Got a Little List -- W S Gilbert

(Poem #135) I've Got a Little List SONG--KO-KO with CHORUS OF MEN. As some day it may happen that a victim must be found, I've got a little list--I've got a little list Of society offenders who might well be underground, And who never would be missed--who never would be missed! There's the pestilential nuisances who write for autographs-- All people who have flabby hands and irritating laughs-- All children who are up in dates, and floor you with 'em flat-- All persons who in shaking hands, shake hands with you like _that_-- And all third persons who on spoiling tete-a-tetes insist-- They'd none of 'em be missed--they'd none of 'em be missed! CHORUS. He's got 'em on the list--he's got 'em on the list; And they'll none of 'em be missed--they'll none of 'em be missed. There's the banjo serenader, and the others of his race, And the piano-organist--I've got him on the list! And the people who eat peppermint and puff it in your face, They never would be missed--they never would be missed! Then the idiot who praises, with enthusiastic tone, All centuries but this, and every country but his own; And the lady from the provinces, who dresses like a guy, And who "doesn't think she waltzes, but would rather like to try"; And that singular anomaly, the lady novelist-- I don't think she'd be missed--I'm sure she'd not he missed! CHORUS. He's got her on the list--he's got her on the list; And I don't think she'll be missed--I'm sure she'll not be missed! And that Nisi Prius nuisance, who just now is rather rife, The Judicial humorist--I've got him on the list! All funny fellows, comic men, and clowns of private life-- They'd none of 'em be missed--they'd none of 'em be missed. And apologetic statesmen of a compromising kind, Such as--What d'ye call him--Thing'em-bob, and likewise--Never-mind, And 'St--'st--'st--and What's-his-name, and also You-know-who-- The task of filling up the blanks I'd rather leave to you. But it really doesn't matter whom you put upon the list, For they'd none of 'em be missed--they'd none of 'em be missed! CHORUS. You may put 'em on the list--you may put 'em on the list; And they'll none of 'em be missed--they'll none of 'em be missed! -- W S Gilbert

                   from The Mikado

Background: The singer is the Lord High Executioner; in a speech immediately
preceding the song, he says "If I should ever be called upon to act
professionally, I am happy to think that there will be no difficulty in
finding plenty of people whose loss will be a distinct gain to society at
large."

Glossary:

  piano-organist - A piano organ is similar to a barrel organ, a sort of
  street piano. (Sullivan's mother was a woman of Italian background who met
  her husband while accompanying an organ grinder and his monkey through the
  streets of London. Now aren't you glad you read these program notes?)

  Nisi Prius nuisance - Nisi Prius is a legal term used to refer to cases that
  were tried in the Assize court though technically they should have been
  civil cases. Nisi Prius literally means "unless before," the implication is
  "unless heard before."

     - from <http://members.aol.com/gsvloc/mik_glo1.htm>

This little piece from the Mikado shows Gilbert at his satirical best, as he
skewers, with pinpoint accuracy, the 'society offenders who might well be
underground, and who never will be missed'. If you get a chance, do listen
to the opera - the music's lovely too. (For those of you with decent
soundcards, see below)

Assessment:

  The most popular Gilbert and Sullivan opera, and arguably the most popular
  opera ever written. This opera has delighted audiences for more than a
  century, and spawned a number of imitations. But none were nearly as good
  as the original, which represented both Gilbert and Sullivan at the height
  of their creative geniuses.
      -- from <[broken link] http://diamond.idbsu.edu/gas/mikado/html/mikado.html>

I couldn't have put it better myself - the Mikado is a truly mindblowing
piece of work.

Biography etc: see poem #88

Music: <[broken link] http://diamond.idbsu.edu/gas/mikado/html/mikado_midi.html>

And, of course the inevitable parody site,
<[broken link] http://www.ology.org/eschat/parody/>

m.