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The Philosopher's Drinking Song -- Monty Python

And now for something completely different... It's
(Poem #615) The Philosopher's Drinking Song
 Immanuel Kant was a real pissant
      who was very rarely stable.
 Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar
      who could think you under the table.
 David Hume could out consume
      Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel,
 And Wittgenstein was a beery swine
      who was just as sloshed as Schlegel.

 There's nothing Nietzsche couldn't teach ya
     'bout the raisin' of the wrist.
 Socrates himself was permanently pissed.

 John Stuart Mill, of his own free will,
     after half a pint of shandy was particularly ill.
 Plato, they say, could stick it away,
      'alf a crate of whiskey every day!
 Aristotle, Aristotle was a bugger for the bottle,
      and Hobbes was fond of his Dram.
 And Rene Descartes was a drunken fart:
      "I drink, therefore I am."

 Yes, Socrates himself is particularly missed;
 A lovely little thinker, but a bugger when he's pissed.
-- Monty Python
What, you haven't heard this before? Quick - run out and beg, borrow or
steal a recording of Monty Python's Flying Circus, and give the Bruces a
listen. You won't be disappointed.


PS. Did you know that according to the Guiness Book of Records, the single
concept with the largest number of different words/phrases to describe it is
'the condition of being inebriated'?

[Irrelevant Details]

Composer: Eric Idle.
Author: Eric Idle.
First heard on Monty Python's Flying Circus.
The Second Series (aired from Sep. 15, 1970 to Dec. 22, 1970).
Episode 22: How To Recognize Different Parts Of The Body.
Recorded 25 September 1970, Aired 24 November 1970.

[On Monty Python]

Monty Python's Flying Circus" premiered in October of 1969 and those who
fell under its spell were destined never to view parrots, hedgehogs, Spam,
or the everyday act of walking in the same way again.

C'mon, Python loyalists, con-FESS. You can't go into the cheese section of a
supermarket without smiling and perhaps looking about for Greek musicians,
now can you? Or see the plaid flannel shirts favored by lumberjacks and not
want to burst into the chorus of a certain song? Doubtful, because that's
just the kind of effect Python has had on people.

The cast of the Flying Circus came together in what can best be described as
a chain reaction. It started when John Cleese and Graham Chapman approached
the Michael Palin/Terry Jones team about doing a project together. The
latter agreed and suggested bringing in Eric Idle, who in turn recruited
Terry Gilliam.

The first episode of Python went out late on a Sunday evening in a time
period usually occupied by a program devoted to religious discussion. So
imagine the shock of those who turned in expecting to see that only to be
confronted with Picasso doing a painting while riding a bicycle, the deaths
of famous historical figures judged in the manner of the Olympics, and the
story of a joke soooooo funny that anyone who heard it literally died

So the Python series began and would continue for the next five years,
during which time the Pythons broke most of the rules about what television
and comedy should be. From ex-Goon Spike Milligan came the idea that
sketches didn't necessarily need a beginning, middle, and end. This, along
with the advantage of having Gilliam's animations to connect disparate
sketches, took the emphasis away from the punch-line and allowed the
free-flowing stream of consciousness which would become the Python

The final program was transmitted on December 5, 1974, and Python as a
series was history. Yet in a sense they were just beginning. Though he had
bailed out of the fourth (and final) series, John Cleese was happy to work
with his partners when they decided to bring their supreme adeptness at
being silly to the big screen in a series of films that began with "And Now
For Something Completely Different" and ended with "The Meaning Of Life",
which won the prestigious Jury Award at the 1983 Cannes Film Festival.

What made Python click? At its best, this partnership was something akin to
a good marriage, where one partner's strength compensates for the other's
weakness, and the result is a harmonious whole. In this case, the verbal
strength and logic of Cleese, Chapman, and Idle was perfectly complemented
by the imaginative visual flair of Jones, Palin, and especially Gilliam.
Though they have all gone on to do successful solo projects, there was an
energy at work here which will never be duplicated.

-- Michelle Street,


The Philosopher's Drinking Song appears in the sketch starring 'The Bruces';
you can read the entire sketch here:

You can listen to the Bruces singing this song (at machine-gun speed, and in
good Aussie accents to boot) here:
and here:
[broken link]

There've been quite a few poems about the pleasures of alcohol on the
Minstrels; see, for example:

Belloc's "Pelagian Drinking Song": poem #78

Baudelaire's "Enivrez-vous" ("Get Drunk!"): poem #581

Harivanshrai Bachchan's "The Tavern": poem #72

Rumi's poem of the same name: poem #513

The immortal Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam: poem #162

Of course, there's always the danger, while drinking, of having the same
fate befall you as David O'Bruadair; see his marvellous "A Glass of Beer":
poem #185

And finally: all the names mentioned in today's, errm, poem, are of bona
fide honest-to-goodness real McCoy philosophers; to find out more about
their work, I can't do better than to recommend the Encyclopaedia

78 comments: ( or Leave a comment )

J S Mill said...

thanks for putting the lyrics to the python song on the web!
I just wanted to send a quick note, however, saying (admittedly as a pedant) that the proper spelling of Mill's
forenames is "John Stuart", not "Stewart".
-a philosophy grad student

Newtown School Computer Room PC 35 said...

Monty Python, the speakers of a generation. Dunno which one, but I'll find out someday.
Class poem.


AbbaDingo said...

Line six should read:
Schopenhauer and Hegel.

Jason said...

I just saw the Monty Python Live at the Hollywood Bowl DVD and, now they
might have changed it from the original, but they've got a sing-along
part to this song and the lines in the above poem "David Hume could out
consume/ Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel" are, in the live preformance... "David
Hume could out consume/ Shopenhauer and Hegel"... Just thought i'd fill
in all those super python fans out there

Bruno Teles said...

And if i'm not mistaken, john stuart mill is particularly ill on half a pint
of shandy not after it


great website by the way

piss head dave said...

reading this i have an overwelming sence of raging thirst other than drinking me own piss im off down the pub to drink someone elses

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sara said...

المظلات من الخدمات الهامة التى لا غنى عنها فى المكان فهى تساعد على حماية المكان من أشعة الشمس والضوء والحرارة العالية والتعامل مع مجموعة من الأقمشة المميزة والتعامل مع مجموعة من الخدمات العالية الجودة فلا داعى للقلق ولا داعى للبحث عن الشركات ،فنحن نقدم لكم الأفضل دائما.

مظلات القشيري
تركيب مظلات
تعتمد الشركة على توفير مجموعة من المظلات المختلفة من حيث الشكل والألوان والتصمميات المختلفة والتى تساهم فى الوصول للنتيجة المطلوبة فلدينا كافة أنواع المظلات المميزة فى المكان.

تركيب سواتر
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تركيب هناجر
نهتم بتركيب البرجولات المختلفة المطلوبة فى جلسات الخارجية فى المكان فلدينا العمالة الماهرة ولدينا كافة أنواع المظلات المطلوبة للأسطح والقيام بالتصميم المطلوبة للبرجولات التى تحمي من أشعة الشمس والحرارة والأمطار من خلال أفضل التقنية والعمل على كسب الثقة بينا وبين عملائنا فى المكان.
برجولات خشبية

sara said...

برجولات اسطح
متخصصين فى جميع أنواع الشبوك المختلفة والقيام بعمل الشبوك المختلفة من خلال توفير شبوك المزارع والدواجن والعمل على توفير شبوك المقاولات وشبك المزارع و.. غيرها من كافة الأنواع المطلوبة فتواصل معنا فى طلب الخدمة المميزة.

شبوك امنية
شبوك زراعية
شبوك حدائق
قرميد السعودية والتعامل مع كافة أنواع القرميد المختلفة من الديكورات المطلوبة فلدينا مجموعة من الصور التى قامت بيه الشركة التى يسهل عليك أن يتم الإختيار من بينهم والقيام بإختيار تصميم على حسب ما تحتاج إلية والتى تعمل على إختيار التصميمات المطلوبة للفلل والشقق والمنازل والعمل على توفير الخدمات المختلفة فى أى مكان بالرياض.

قرميد معدني
القيام بعمل التصميمات الشاملة التى تحتاج إلية لبيوت الشعر والتى تساهم بشكل كبير فى القيام بعملية التركيب والتجهيزات اللازمة من الألف إلى الياء والتى تحقق بالفعل الخدمات المطلوبة والصيانة اللازمة.

sara said...

بيوت شعر
خيام شعر
خيام ملكية
متوفر لدينا جميع أنواع المظلات المختلفة اللازمة التى تساهم فى التخلص من العيوب والتغيرات المختلفة التى تحقق بالفعل التخلص من كافة العيوب والمشاكل التى تتم للمظلات التقليدية فلا داعى للقلق من شان المظلات سواء كان المطلوب عملية التركيب من البداية أو القيام بخدمات الصيانة اللازمة وغيرها من المشاكل المختلفة التى تتعرض لها للمظلات فتواصل معنا الان.

مظلات اسطح منازل
مظلات مدارس
مظلات سيارات
مظلات مسابح
مظلات هرمية
تركيب مختلفأنواع السواتر المطلوبة والتى يسمح لك أن تتحكم فى درجة الضوء والحرارة والتحكم فى كيفية القيام بالتغيرات اللازمة التى تظهر فى المكان فلا داعى للقلق من شأن التغيرات المختلفة التى تظهر على السواتر فلدينا سواتر مجدولة وسواتر مختلفة التى تساعد على حماية من أشعة الشمس والتى يسهل عليك أن تختار من بينهم

سواتر خشبية
سواتر حديد
سواتر قماش
سواتر مدارس

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