Christian -- Ambrose Bierce

CHRISTIAN, n. One who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired
book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbor. One who
follows the teachings of Christ in so far as they are not inconsistent with
a life of sin.

(Poem #924) Christian I dreamed I stood upon a hill, and, lo! The godly multitudes walked to and fro Beneath, in Sabbath garments fitly clad, With pious mien, appropriately sad, While all the church bells made a solemn din -- A fire-alarm to those who lived in sin. Then saw I gazing thoughtfully below, With tranquil face, upon that holy show A tall, spare figure in a robe of white, Whose eyes diffused a melancholy light. "God keep you, stranger," I exclaimed. "You are No doubt (your habit shows it) from afar; And yet I entertain the hope that you, Like these good people, are a Christian too." He raised his eyes and with a look so stern It made me with a thousand blushes burn Replied -- his manner with disdain was spiced: "What! I a Christian? No, indeed! I'm Christ." -- Ambrose Bierce

        (from 'The Devil's Dictionary', under the 'pseudonym' G.J.)

Note:
  G.J.: Father Gassalasca Jape, S. J., one of the many pseudonyms Bierce
  attributed the verses in the Devil's Dictionary to.

Today's poem expands upon a far-from-original idea, true, but it does so
uncommonly well. Bierce's verse is scalpel sharp and scathing; it performs,
furthermore, the difficult feat of pulling no punches while simultaneously
avoiding the least trace of heavyhandedness. Similarly, the fact that the
reader can see the ending coming robs it of very little of its impact - the
sheer precision and vividness of the writing gets the point across
admirably, far more than the twist in the ending does.

Links:

  Biography:
    http://www.blupete.com/Literature/Biographies/Literary/Bierce.htm

  The Devil's Dictionary:
    [broken link] http://rabi.phys.columbia.edu/~matmat/html/devils.html

  Bierce poems on Minstrels:
    Poem #148, "With a Book"
    Poem #320, "Rimer"
    Poem #400, "Elegy"
    Poem #735, "Decalogue"
    Poem #879, "The Mad Philosopher"

  "Decalogue", in particular, makes an interesting companion piece to
  today's poem.

-martin

The Mad Philosopher -- Ambrose Bierce

Not quite hate poetry, but a delightful brand of misanthropy nonetheless...

APHORISM, n.: Predigested wisdom

(Poem #879) The Mad Philosopher The flabby wine-skin of his brain Yields to some pathologic strain, And voids from its unstored abysm The driblet of an aphorism. -- Ambrose Bierce

        (from "The Devil's Dictionary")

Note: abysm (n): an old spelling of 'abyss' ( the word has had five
variants, abime, abysm, abysmus, abyssus, abyss; of which abyss remains
asthe ordinary form, and abysm as archaic or poetic. -- OED )

While Bierce was an all-round misanthrope and cynic, he appears to have
reserved his greatest scorn for those he considered pretentious - the self
proclaimedly artistic, philosophic and/or spiritual. Today's poem is an
excellent example; there is not even an attempt at wit, just pure vitriol.

The poem is, nonetheless, memorable for several reasons. Invective is always
impressive if done well, of course, but there is more to it than that - the
central image is very well chosen, with its picture of aphorisms dribbling
out of a flabby wineskin, and the attendant suggestion of bibulousness on
the philosopher's part. The whole has a wonderfully epigrammatic quality
that makes up in large measure for its lack of wit.

martin.

Links:

  Biography of Bierce: poem #148

  The Devil's Dictionary:
    [broken link] http://rabi.phys.columbia.edu/~matmat/html/devils.html

Decalogue -- Ambrose Bierce

Many thanks to Ritabrata Roy for suggesting today's poem.

DECALOGUE, n. A series of commandments, ten in number -- just enough to
permit an intelligent selection for observance, but not enough to embarrass
the choice. Following is the revised edition of the Decalogue, calculated
for this meridian:

(Poem #735) Decalogue Thou shalt no God but me adore: 'Twere too expensive to have more. No images nor idols make For Roger Ingersoll to break. Take not God's name in vain: select A time when it will have effect. Work not on Sabbath days at all, But go to see the teams play ball. Honor thy parents. That creates For life insurance lower rates. Kill not, abet not those who kill; Thou shalt not pay thy butcher's bill. Kiss not thy neighbor's wife, unless Thine own thy neighbor doth caress. Don't steal; thou'lt never thus compete Successfully in business. Cheat. Bear not false witness--that is low-- But "hear 'tis rumored so and so." Covet thou naught that thou hast got By hook or crook, or somehow, got. -- Ambrose Bierce

[Notes]

Taken from "The Devil's Dictionary", published 1906.
Attributed by Bierce to "G. J." (Father Gassalasca Jape, S. J.), the writer
of several other pieces of verse to feature in the Dictionary.
In the 1911 edition of the lexicon, Bierce included a revised version of
this poem, which I've appended below.
I don't know who Roger Ingersoll is. Anyone?

[Commentary]

One of the nicest things about Ambrose Bierce's cynical classic "The Devil's
Dictionary" is the way he illuminates his entries with throwaway pieces of
verse, many of which are well worth reading in their own right. Today's set
of five pithy couplets is an excellent example: neither the definition nor
the poem are out-and-out brilliant by themselves, but put them together and
the whole is definitely greater than the sum of the parts.

[Links]

We've visited Ambrose Bierce before:
Poem #320, "Rimer"
Poem #400, "Elegy"
Poem #148, "With a Book"
The first two of these are also taken from the Devil's Dictionary.
The third has a biography of Bierce attached.

As Ritabrata points out, "Decalogue" is more than a little reminiscent of
Arthur Hugh Clough's "The Latest Decalogue", Poem #159 on the Minstrels,
written in 1862. Here's what Bierce himself has to say on the matter:

PLAGIARISM, n. - A literary coincidence compounded of a discreditable
priority and an honorable subsequence.
PLAGIARIZE, v. - To take the thought or style of another writer whom one has
never, never read.
        -- Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary

The complete text of the Devil's Dictionary can be found at
[broken link] http://rabi.phys.columbia.edu/~matmat/html/devils.html

[Moreover]

Here's Bierce's preface to the first edition of the Dictionary:

The Devil's Dictionary was begun in a weekly paper in 1881, and was
continued in a desultory way at long intervals until 1906. In that year a
large part of it was published in covers with the title The Cynic's Word
Book, a name which the author had not the power to reject or happiness to
approve. To quote the publishers of the present work:

"This more reverent title had previously been forced upon him by the
religious scruples of the last newspaper in which a part of the work had
appeared, with the natural consequence that when it came out in covers the
country already had been flooded by its imitators with a score of 'cynic'
books - The Cynic's This, The Cynic's That, and The Cynic's t'Other. Most of
these books were merely stupid, though some of them added the distinction of
silliness. Among them, they brought the word 'cynic' into disfavor so deep
that any book bearing it was discredited in advance of publication."

Meantime, too, some of the enterprising humorists of the country had helped
themselves to such parts of the work as served their needs, and many of its
definitions, anecdotes, phrases and so forth, had become more or less
current in popular speech. This explanation is made, not with any pride of
priority in trifles, but in simple denial of possible charges of plagiarism,
which is no trifle. In merely resuming his own the author hopes to be held
guiltless by those to whom the work is addressed - enlightened souls who
prefer dry wines to sweet, sense to sentiment, wit to humor and clean
English to slang.

A conspicuous, and it is hoped not unpleasant, feature of the book is its
abundant illustrative quotations from eminent poets, chief of whom is that
learned and ingenious cleric, Father Gassalasca Jape, S.J., whose lines bear
his initials. To Father Jape's kindly encouragement and assistance the
author of the prose text is greatly indebted.

        -- Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary

[More Moreover]

Here's the revised version of the poem I mentioned above:

 "Decalogue - 1911"

 Have but one God: thy knees were sore
 If bent in prayer to three or four.

 Adore no images save those
 The coinage of thy country shows.

 Take not the Name in vain. Direct
 Thy swearing unto some effect.

 Thy hand from Sunday work be held--
 Work not at all unless compelled.

 Honor thy parents, and perchance
 Their wills thy fortunes may advance.

 Kill not--death liberates thy foe
 From persecution's constant woe.

 Kiss not thy neighbor's wife. Of course
 There's no objection to divorce.

 To steal were folly, for 'tis plain
 In cheating there is greater pain.

 Bear not false witness. Shake your head
 And say that you have "heard it said."

 Who stays to covet ne'er will catch
 An opportunity to snatch.

        -- Ambrose Bierce

Ritabrata comments, and I agree with him, that while both Decalogues are
wonderful pieces of satire, the former seems less forced.

thomas.

PS. (Administrivia) I'm back online after a brief trip during which I was
net-disabled. My thanks go to Martin and all the guest Minstrels who've
submitted poems in the last week or two, for covering for me in my absence.

Elegy -- Ambrose Bierce

Elegy, n. A composition in verse, in which, without employing any of the
methods of humor, the writer aims to produce in the reader's mind the
dampest kind of dejection. The most famous English example begins somewhat
like this:

(Poem #400) Elegy The cur foretells the knell of parting day; The loafing herd winds slowly o'er the lea; The wise man homewards plods; I only stay To fiddle-faddle in a minor key. -- Ambrose Bierce

Parody and humorous verse are closely related endeavours, and it is little
surprise that Bierce has turned his hand to both. We've already seen some
wonderful examples of the latter (see links), and as today's poem - a
marvellous parody of Gray's "Elegy Written in a Country Churchyard" -
demonstrates, Bierce is just as accomplished a parodist as he is a humorist.

The point of a really good parody is to capture the feel of the original,
and to follow it as closely as possible while sending it up at every turn,
and Bierce has done this admirably - indeed, he has followed not just the
form but the *sound* of Gray's elegy; a lovely piece of wordplay in its own
right.

Links:

Gray's poem can be found at
http://www.library.utoronto.ca/utel/rp/poems/gray4.html; since the parodied
portion is just the first verse, I've quoted it below:

     The curfew tolls the knell of parting day,
         The lowing herd wind slowly o'er the lea,
     The plowman homeward plods his weary way,
         And leaves the world to darkness and to me.

We've run a few of Bierce's poems in the past:
  'With a Book': poem #148
  'Rimer': poem #320

We've also run a couple of themes on parodies;
a set of oft-parodied poems: poem #85, poem #88, poem #90.

and a set of poems run specifically for their parodies:
poem #376, poem #378, poem #380.

And, of course, a number of other humorous poems, too many to list
individually.

- martin

Rimer -- Ambrose Bierce

(Poem #320) Rimer The rimer quenches his unheeded fires, The sound surceases and the sense expires. Then the domestic dog, to east and west, Expounds the passions burning in his breast. The rising moon o'er that enchanted land Pauses to hear and yearns to understand. -- Ambrose Bierce

Note: 'Rimer' is simply a synonym for 'rhymer' or poet. The word was
archaic even in Bierce's day (of which more later). However, the poem itself
follows the Devil's Dictionary entry for Rimer, which reads "Rimer, n. A
poet regarded with indifference or disesteem." It was attributed to "Mowbray
Myles" (a habit Bierce was fond of - see some of the other DD entries)

Bierce could be extremely cutting and cynical when he wanted to (which was
practically all the time); however what makes his verse worth running was
the skill with which his diatribes were delivered.

Note how wonderfully he sets up and skewers his target here. The surface
metaphor in the first four lines is, of course, hardly new or original. But
Bierce then goes on to invoke the moon, with its strong associations with
both poets and howling dogs, which at once raises the insult above the level
of the commonplace - in one stroke, it provides completion and coherence,
turning a derogatory comparision into a finished poem.

Nor does he stop there - the language throughout is 'poetic', but in a
rather self-conscious way, treading the fine line between good and bad
poetry[1] and not-so-subtly poking fun at the poet manqué. The final touch
is the use of 'rimer' rather than 'rhymer', an obvious affectation[2] that
merely highlights the difference between aspiration and reality.

[1] the word 'doggerel' is practically begging to be used here, making me
wonder if the pun was intentional - especially since 'doggerel' is
marked "etymology unknown, but probably from 'dog'".

[2] made even clearer by the Devil's Dictionary entry for 'rime':

  Agreeing sounds in the terminals of verse, mostly bad. The verses
  themselves, as distinguished from prose, mostly dull. Usually (and
  wickedly) spelled "rhyme."

m.

Links:

We've run one other poem by Bierce; see poem #148

There's also a biography at the end.

The above poem is included in Bierce's Devil's Dictionary, which may be
found at [broken link] http://rabi.phys.columbia.edu/~matmat/html/devils.html

With a Book -- Ambrose Bierce

(Poem #148) With a Book Words shouting, singing, smiling, frowning--- Sense lacking. Ah, nothing, more obscure than Browning, Save blacking. -- Ambrose Bierce

Think of it as a last-gasp followon to the poems about poets theme <g>.

Bierce has written better poems, but I really couldn't resist this one
for the sheer unexpected beauty (or do I mean beautiful unexpectedness?)
of the pun at the end.

Of course, I strongly disagree with his assertion that Browning is
obscure or lacking in sense :)

Bierce, incidentally, was not primarily a poet, but a wit, satirist and
marvellous short story writer. His best known works include The Devil's
Dictionary, and the haunting short, "An Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge"
both highly recommended.

Blacking, incidentally, was the precursor of shoe polish.

m.

Biography:

Bierce, Ambrose

in full Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce

 b. June 24, 1842, Meigs county, Ohio, U.S.
 d. 1914, Mexico?

American newspaperman, wit, satirist, and author of sardonic short
stories based on themes of death and horror. His life ended in an
unsolved mystery.

Reared in Kosciusko county, Ind., Bierce became a printer's devil
(apprentice) on a Warsaw, Ind., paper after about a year in high school.
In 1861 he enlisted in the 9th Indiana Volunteers and fought in a number
of American Civil War battles, including Shiloh and Chickamauga. After
being seriously wounded in the Battle of Kennesaw Mountain in 1864, he
served until January 1865, and he received a merit promotion to major in
1867.

Resettling in San Francisco, which was experiencing an artistic
renaissance, he began contributing to periodicals, particularly the News
Letter, of which he became editor in 1868. Bierce was soon the literary
arbiter of the West Coast.

[..]

In 1877 he became associate editor of the San Francisco Argonaut but
left it in 1879-80 for an unsuccessful try at placer mining in
Rockerville in the Dakota Territory. Thereafter he was editor of the San
Francisco Wasp for five years. In 1887 he joined the staff of William
Randolph Hearst's San Francisco Examiner, for which he wrote the
"Prattler" column. In 1896 Bierce moved to Washington, D.C., where he
continued newspaper and magazine writing. In 1913, tired of American
life, he went to Mexico, then in the middle of a revolution led by
Pancho Villa. His end is a mystery, but a reasonable conjecture is that
he was killed in the siege of Ojinaga in January 1914.

Bierce separated from his wife, lost his two sons, and broke many
friendships. As a newspaper columnist, he specialized in critical
attacks on amateur poets, clergymen, bores, dishonest politicians, money
grabbers, pretenders, and frauds of all sorts. His principal books are
In the Midst of Life (1892), which included some of his finest stories,
such as "An Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge," "A Horseman in the Sky,"
"The Eyes of the Panther," and "The Boarded Window"; and Can Such Things
Be? (1893), which included "The Damned Thing" and "Moxon's Master."
Bierce's The Devil' Dictionary (originally published in 1906 as The
Cynic's Word Book) is a volume of ironic, even bitter, definitions that
has often been reprinted. His Collected Works was published in 12
volumes, 1909-12. The Enlarged Devil's Dictionary, edited by E.J.
Hopkins, appeared in 1967.

        -- EB